


The Core Of Our Bones

by rainingover



Category: B.A.P, K-pop
Genre: Bodyswap, Groupverse, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4377182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainingover/pseuds/rainingover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the movies there always seems to be a pretty decent reason as to why the lead character wakes up in someone else's body. It's usually something to do with appreciating your life, or your family, or with not wishing time away. </p><p>Jongup tries to put extra effort into appreciating his life, his band-mates, time even. He wracks his brain for a lesson he might need to learn, but he can't think of any good reason for him to not just be in his own bed and, more importantly, in his own body.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Core Of Our Bones

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the B.A.P Bingo Body Swap prompt.

At first it was nothing short of completely, undoubtedly weird.

It would take a good five minutes of disorientated thoughts, of heavy limbs and waves of nausea. Of stumbling to the bathroom, peering into the mirror and taking in the reflection that blinked back at him.

Now, Jongup is pretty damn good at figuring out whose body he is in. Once you get to know the nuances, it's obvious if you wake up in Daehyun's body that you're not in, say, Junhong's.

It's not even that strange anymore, not really.

 

\--

 

When Jongup first begins to wake up in the bodies of his band-mates, he spends a lot of time wondering about all of the little details. About whether he is somehow still inside his own body, as well as borrowing Yongguk's, or Youngjae's, or whoever it is he's found himself masquerading as.

He wonders whether maybe they're now in his body -- like the way it usually happens in the movies. Except, he figures, in the movies there always seems to be a pretty decent reason as to why the lead character wakes up in someone else's body. It's usually something to do with appreciating your life, or your family, or with not wishing time away.

Jongup tries to put extra effort into appreciating his life, his band-mates, time even. He wracks his brain for a lesson he might need to learn, but he can't think of any good reason for him to not just be in his own bed and, most importantly, in his own body.

(Later, after the six of them have counted dates on a calendar around the kitchen table one morning, they figure out the date of the first swap, and think desperately about triggers that may have caused it. Come to the conclusion that there hadn't been any big argument, there hadn't been any stormy weather, and everyone is pretty certain that they hadn't wished for any change before they'd closed their eyes that first night.

Jongup thinks that he'd possibly wished for sleep, but he definitely hadn't wished to wake up staring at someone else's ceiling.)

 

\--

 

That first night, Jongup wakes up in the dark with a dry mouth and sore limbs, and knows instantly that something isn't right, that he isn't where he should be.

He heads to the bathroom and stares at Daehyun's confused expression in the mirror for longer than he's sure he's ever looked at Daehyun before. Staring doesn't seem to change the reflection in the mirror, so Jongup gives up and stumbles back to Daehyun's bed, where he closes his eyes and wonders, _"What happens next?"_

When he wakes up the next morning in his own body, his own duvet kicked off around his feet, Jongup thinks that maybe, _just maybe_ , last night had all been an incredibly realistic fever dream.

That is until it happens again three days later, the distant sound of a car alarm in the streets below bleeding into his dreams until he blinks awake to the realisation that he is on Himchan's mattress. He feels sick, the way he used to on boats when he was a kid. Nausea riding over him in waves as he turns his head, eyes adjusting to the light and to the fact they don't usually belong to him. He spots the sleeping form of his own body less than a metre away, can hear his own breathing.

Jongup wonders if Himchan is in there. Almost reaches out to shake him awake and then decides against it; If Himchan _has_ swapped with him, he's asleep, he's okay.

So, Jongup doesn't wake him, decides that it's only polite to let over-tired people who are worried about their skin sleep the whole night through if they can do.

(Even if they're borrowing your body to do so.)

 

\--

 

He wakes up in a chair, stiff neck, cold arms.

It's the first time he's woken up in another member's body somewhere other than the dorm. The studio is dark; he guesses Yongguk had been working to the light of the computer screen only. He reaches out, clicks the mouse a few times, waits for the computer to hum back to life and light up the room a little.

He wants to take Yongguk's body back to the dorm and put it to bed, but knows that it's probably safer just to stay where he is and let Yongguk wake up where he left himself.

He attempts to get comfortable, which isn't easy in an old desk chair, closes his eyes and manages to sleep. Wakes up in his own bed the next morning, back only a little stiff.

Yongguk mutters "Sorry I fell asleep at the studio again" the next morning in the kitchen. He says it to no one in particular; Youngjae murmurs something, Himchan simply nods to show he's heard, but Jongup has a sneaking feeling that Yongguk's apology is directed solely at him.

He still hasn't actually spoken to any of the others about this, even though he knows he should. It's just that things that start to seem normal in the dead of night still seem absolutely ridiculous in the light of day. Plus, Jongup still isn't really sure whether, when he wakes up in someone else's body, they wake up in his, not really, although he's watched more movies on the subject since then and Hollywood is pretty good at convincing him that this is the most likely scenario. A swap. A body-swap. 

Jongup knows that fiction might not be his best source for piecing together the facts, but thinks, still, if body-swapping is a _thing_ , someone working on a movie somewhere will have researched it, right?

Later, as they scramble into the van and onto their next schedule, Yongguk says to him, quietly, "I'm going to start working in my bedroom -- make it into a studio, so I don't have to be out at night."

"That's a good idea."

"It's just not fair on all of you when you wake up and... You know."

Jongup understands. "I don't mind, really. The chair is just a bit uncomfortable. A little bit." He can't quite believe that he's having this conversation, but at the same time, he's really fucking glad that he is, and that it's with Yongguk. Jongup has always felt he can be honest with him, right from the day they first met.

Yongguk smiles. "You're the only member of the group that hasn't come up to me and actually complained at length about that chair."

"I could sleep anywhere," Jongup shrugs. It's not even a lie, he probably could.

"Well, now you don't have to. This-- this body swap thing... We have to be considerate of each other. I'm sorry if I wasn't."

"This, uh, body swap thing." Jongup practises saying it. Saying it out loud almost makes him want to laugh, it sounds so much more ridiculous outside of his head. "Um.. Does anyone know why? Or how, or....?"

Yongguk shakes his head. "If you have any ideas, let me know, okay?"

Jongup mulls over this conversation long after Yongguk has walked away. If he is the only member of the group that hasn't complained, then every member of the group has swapped bodies with Yongguk. It really does happen to all of them.

It's just that none of them have any idea why.

He can work with that.

 

\--

 

He sometimes worries that one day it will be permanent. 

That, in the morning, he'll have to think of ways to explain to their staff why he can't remember his cellphone password, why it's taking him a while to remember how to use his limbs. Why he can't do anything that Daehyun or Yongguk or Youngjae can do, because he simply _isn't them._

He's always woken up in his own body by morning, so the worry might be redundant, but there is always going to be that _what if?_ hovering at the back of his mind. This could stick. This could be _forever_.

He's trying to get fully used to the idea, just in case.

 

\--

 

He thinks some more about what this all might mean as he stares at the ceiling through Junhong's eyes, thinks about it as stands in the bathroom and puts on the facepack that Daehyun was too tired to put on before he bed.

Thinks about it as he checks diligently for wrinkles at the corners of Himchan's eyes (there are none, he's told him a thousand times, but if he ever finds one he swears he will somehow make it go away by morning.)

He doesn't think about it for a while; turns over and wills sleep upon him when he wakes up in Youngjae's body, tries out some meditation breathing thing he's read about online when he wakes up in Yongguk's.

And then he thinks about it again.

 

\--

 

A month since the first time it happened, Jongup decides he's just about figured out this whole body-swap thing, but that doesn't mean that he's entirely _comfortable_ with it, still can't quite decide whether to bring it up in the harsh light of day.

They're on tour in the US when he falls asleep on one side of the room and wakes up on the other.

Stretches into his new limbs, feels the bottom of the bed with the tips of the toes of the body he's in and smiles. He doesn't mind waking up in Junhong's body, likes feeling taller for a while. Plus, waking up in Junhong's body means he's still in his own hotel room, can play on his ipad if he can't sleep.

Jongup feels pangs of hunger and wonders whether Junhong ate enough at dinner. Tip toes across to the door, heads out into the corridor; he knows there is a vending machine at end of the hall. They're in America and there are approximately fourteen different snacks he spotted inside the machine that he wants to try. Jongup figures that it's okay to eat at least one in Junhong's body. Junhong never seems to put on weight, anyway.

He slips back into their room, belly fuller, and takes in the rise and fall of his own chest, his sleeping form in  the other bed. It almost seems normal to see it now, he realises, as he gets back into Junhong's bed and waits for sleep to return his mind to his body.

The next morning at breakfast Junhong says, "Where did you go in the middle of the night?"

Jongup blinks and Junhong stares. It's still weird to talk about it, that this is happening. Even now that he knows it's something they all go through -- that it's a _thing_.

He answers, finally. "The vending machine."

"Wake me up next time." Junhong smiles through a mouthful of eggs. "Your body might need a snack too."

"Okay," Jongup says, and that is that. He wants to ask questions. Questions like: Why do you think this happening? Who have you swapped with? How many times? Has anyone figured out what is going on? _Will we ever?_

Wants answers to all of these questions (and more), but  Junhong is already looking away, laughing at something Youngjae is saying, and breakfast resumes as normal.

Twelve days later, when they next swap bodies, he wakes Junhong up.

They're in Europe now, and there isn't a vending machine on their hotel floor, but Junhong rummages through his suitcase and hands him a box of pastries, siphoned from breakfast that morning, and they laugh, stuff their faces with eighteen hour old croissants, and fall asleep content.

 

\--

 

Jongup learns that swapping bodies with your bandmates at random means that you're all exposed to the most intimate details of each other, even if you never wanted to be.

He wakes up in Youngjae's body with Daehyun's elbow in his back at some ungodly hour on a Wednesday, in a hotel bed in Japan, and accepts that this is just the way things have to be. Elbows Daehyun back for good measure and tries to go back to sleep.

"You awake?"

"Hmmm." Jongup can't be bothered with this right now. He's too tired, and he can feel the throbbing of Youngjae's knee from the bruises he's acquired on tour.

"You can't pretend to be asleep if you're talking, Jae."

Jongup sighs. "I'm not Youngjae."

Daehyun rolls over and peers at him, and Jongup suddenly realises how close he is. "Oh." Daehyun stares, and stares, as if he's going to be able to guess who is inside from the expression on Youngjae'e face. Maybe he usually can, Jongup realises.

Daehyun settles on, "Junhongie?"

"Nope. It's Jongup."

"Oh! I don't think we've spoken when one of us is swapped before, have we?"

Jongup thinks about it. "I don't think so."

"Well, now we have." Daehyun smiles as though that's all there is to it, despite the fact he's still pressed up close to his side, all of him.

"Um, hyung? You don't have any clothes on, do you?"

"Oh right, yeah." Daehyun shifts across the bed, leaves a comfortable distance between them. "Not like you can talk. You've never been wearing a top when I've woken up in your body."

"Being shirtless and being naked aren't the same," Jongup points out.

Daehyun doesn't have anything to say to this. Just rolls onto his side and says, happily, "See you when you're in your own body!"

He's still naked.

Jongup ponders this, reaches down to press at Youngjae's knee. It's swollen, and Jongup realises that Youngjae was probably faking the smile he had pressed on until the end of the show. A wave of sadness, and solidarity, washes over him.

Jongup learns two things that night: Firstly, that when your friends inhabit your body it's impossible to pretend to be okay when you're not. And secondly, that sometimes, when they're on tour Daehyun gets into bed with Youngjae naked.

(Although, Jongup decides later, he probably knew the second thing all along.)

 

\--

 

Yongguk makes an announcement as they get back to the dorm one night, three months after Jongup first awoke in Daehyun's bed. "I think we all need another talk, about-- about things."

They've had these conversations before, hushed voices, code words. But, every so often, Yongguk tries to make it official. Gathers everyone together, checks up on them all. Jongup appreciates it.

"I just want to make sure everyone remembers the basic ground-rules we came up with. Like not to leave the dorm, or the hotel or wherever you are. And don't drink alcohol in anyone else's body. Don't make big decisions for other people."

Everyone nods.

"What are we going to do?" Junhong looks tired. "To make it stop?"

No one speaks for a while. "Don't worry, one of us will think of something," Youngjae says, finally.

But no one does.

 

\--

 

Jongup is towelling his hair dry after a shower, wants it fully dry, doesn't want the risk of anyone else having to wake up to a cold, damp pillow under their head. You have to think about these things now.

Himchan is already in bed, staring at his phone, or maybe through it. He doesn't look up, just says, "Jongup? Why do you think we hardly ever swap bodies?"

Jongup stops towelling. "We-- We swap bodies all the time."

"What? No we don't." Himchan lowers his phone.

"We do. I wake up in your body maybe... Once a week? I'm not sure exactly."

"But," Himchan's eyebrows are pulled together. "That's-- I've only ever woken up in your body once."

"I guess you just don't wake up when we swap."  Jongup drapes the towel around his shoulders and sits down."I talked to Youngjae about this one, and we figured that if we're in each other's bodies and we don't wake up, we'd never know it happened, even if it did. We still dream as ourselves, that's a brain thing, not a body thing. So, if we're asleep we could be in any body and we would never know."

"That's scary." Himchan runs a hand over his face.

"It's kind of comforting, when you think about it." Jongup runs the towel over his head again. "I'd always wondered if you'd ever woken up when we've swapped."

"Just once." Himchan says again. "It was on tour a couple of months ago. When I woke up in my own body again the next morning I had a face mask on I hadn't put on before bed." He gives Jongup a pointed look. "I've heard you do that-- plaster all of our facemasks on if we forget. And you wonder why we call you the angel of the group."

Jongup echoes something Yongguk had said to him once. "We have to be considerate of each other when we swap."

"That's true."

"Still," Jongup continues to work the towel over his hair. "I wonder why you don't wake up as much when it happens to us."

Himchan shrugs. "Everyone always gets a good night's sleep when you've swapped with them. You're up at stupid-o-clock putting on face masks and whatever other angelic shit you get up to, and we all just... Relax."

Jongup laughs. "It's one of my two only skills. Sleeping and dancing."

"Shut up." Himchan rolls his eyes.

Jongup says, "I like waking up in your body because most of the time you're still asleep next to me. It makes me happy to know that you're getting enough rest. Even if it's just in mind and not in body."

Himchan smiles, looks down."You know what's funny? I always say I want your body, your abs or whatever,  but when I woke up and I had them, I didn't like it at all."

"Oh?"

"I mean-- It's not that I don't _like_ your body." Himchan taps the screen of his phone distractedly. "It's just, I guess I never really realised that I only like your body because you're in there, or something. It's not your abs, it's you with the-- I don't know." He clears his throat. "I have no idea where I'm going with this."

"Neither do I," Jongup says, but both of them know that isn't true.

 

\--

 

It's only nine thirty, but everyone is tired from a long day of schedules, sleepy and groggy as they say goodnight and slip into their own rooms.

Anyway, Jongup decides it's probably for the best to sleep early, since no one knows how much sleep they're going to get once they close their eyes. No one knows whether they'll wake up in the middle of the night at Yongguk's computer or whether they'll sleep right through, no swaps reported.

Jongup kicks Himchan softly in the shin, to check if he's actually still awake. "Himchan?"

"Uhuh?"

"You've been lying to us." Jongup fidgets with the hem of his tank top. Has spoken to Yongguk about this, wants to bring it up. "You said your shoulder felt better."

Himchan sighs. "I'm fine."

Jongup shakes his head. "Your shoulder is painful. It hasn't healed."

"I'm fine," Himchan presses at his shoulder with the pads of his fingers. "See? Fine."

"You can't lie about these things when your whole group swaps bodies with you at random times," Jongup says, and looks Himchan in the eye.

"I can and I will."

"Well, I don't want you to."

Himchan says, "It's not like it's just me. Youngjae's knees have been fucked up since the tour, and Yongguk can't seem to sleep in a bed, he just falls asleep at his desk every night. We're all kind of messed up."

"I know."

" _And_ Daehyun got a tattoo right next to his dick two days ago when we thought he was out for dinner, which-- I swear, if that gets infected and I swap bodies with him..."

"What?" Jongup wasn't expecting this. "He got a tattoo _where_?"

"Don't ask me how I found out, because it involves waking up as Youngjae in a really fucking weird position." Himchan huffs. "I hear you've experienced naked Daehyun before too, so I imagine you know what I'm talking about."

Jongup is glad he isn't the only one. "Those two are really shit at pretending they're not sleeping together."

"Right? Like, how difficult is it to cover up your ass before you go to sleep?"

"For Daehyun, or for any of the rest of us?" 

"Good point."

Jongup lets the ridiculousness of the entire situation sink in, the fact they know these things, that this is _normal_ now. He's glad that they all like each other, that they're not one of those groups who don't actually get along. That would be worse.

"I'll try to be honest about my shoulder, if you want me to." Himchan says before they sleep, and Jongup holds onto this, knows that Himchan doesn't like to admit his weaknesses.

Says, "And I'll tell you what I think of Daehyun-hyung's tattoo next time I wake up as him."

They stifle laughter until they fall asleep.

 

\--

 

They're interviewed by a television station before a show; the usual mix of serious questions, the ones that Yongguk enjoys, the ones he _likes_ to answer, and then the silly questions about each other, the necessary fan-service.

They're asked what part of another member they would like to have and Jongup forgets about the usual answer that is ingrained into him. 

(Himchan's face, always Himchan's face. It's not like it isn't true, it's just-- after inhabiting someone elses body you realise that admiring something is not the same as coveting it. It's like what Himchan had said that night -- he doesn't want Himchan's eyes or his lips or his bone structure. He just likes them. On Himchan. And that's different.).

Instead, he says what he was thinking two nights ago when he woke up at three am. Says, "The shape of Youngjae's head."

The interviewer smiles, amused. And maybe it _is_ a strange answer out of context, but it's a truthful one. Jongup has first-hand experience of this, and the shape of Youngjae's head does feel really comfortable, feels right, somehow.

Himchan says, "Jongup's body," as always, and flashes a smile. Jongup doesn't mind the lie.

Afterwards, Youngjae laughs in the dressing room. "That is your weirdest answer yet, Jonguppie."

"What's more weird is that I actually understand what he means." Junhong interjects, shrugs off his jacket, and Youngjae laughs some more.

 

\--

 

"What's so good about the shape of Youngjae's head?" Himchan mentions, all casual and disinterested, as they all slide into the van later.

"What?"

"I mean, you still think I'm -- good looking, right?" Himchan plays with the zipper on his jacket. "Not that it matters."

Jongup tilts his head. "If it doesn't matter, then why are you asking?"

Himchan crosses his arms. "Just-- you can't just change your answer to that question."

Jongup tries not to laugh. "You're really, really, _really_ good looking."

"Uhuh? Okay. Not that it matters." Himchan says, but he uncrosses his arms moments later. "And I guess I do kind of know what you mean about Youngjae's head as well."

 

\--

 

When it stops, one even realises.

It isn't a sudden moment, there is no fanfare. Himchan simply mentions one morning that he hasn't woken up in anyone else's body for a week, and then Daehyun counts out on his fingers and makes it nine days since he has.

Youngjae and Yongguk point out they swapped with each other four days ago, but still, _four days_.

Four days with no body-swapping.

The four days becomes fourteen days and Jongup begins to wonder why it's stopped happening. He wishes he could think up a reason; has spent the last six months wanting answers as to _why_ , and now wants answers as to _why not?_

Himchan grimaces as he wraps his duvet around him one night forty one days later.  "My shoulder's still kind of sore. Do you want it for a while?" He jokes.

Jongup says, "I wish I could." Kicks off his own duvet, because he can now he doesn't have to worry about his friends waking up in his body and feeling cold in the night. "Do you think this is it? It's completely over, forever?"

Himchan shrugs. "Who knows? _We_ certainly don't. Maybe it's over forever, maybe it's just a break... Hey, at least if it ever happens again it won't be a surprise."

"Do you think that anyone would ever believe us, if we told them about it all?"

"No," Himchan answers honestly.

"You're probably right." Jongup stretches his limbs, is getting used to only using one body again. "I'm glad though, in a way. It brought us all closer."

Himchan snorts. "You mean, we all saw each other's dicks way more than we ever thought we would?"

"Well, yes, that too. But, I think we all kind of get each other a bit more now, we're more honest."

"I knew what you meant." Himchan tugs at Jongup's arm until he's closer, rests his head on Jongup's shoulder.  "I'm glad it's over though, so we can stay here all night, just like this."

Jongup agrees. 

 

\--

 

A week later Jongup falls asleep on the right side of the bed and wakes up on the left.

Untangles his legs (and he double checks out of habit, that they're really his own legs), from Himchan's, and decides that this is another type of body-swap he could get used to.


End file.
